Jenny Goes to Crawford

We're in Needles,CA this morning, so we'll be back home tonight. I thought I should blog once more from the road b/c it's a whole different vibe.
The day we left I told Susan that one of my favorite parts of traveling is the part where suddenly my list of responsibilities is whittled down to what I can carry with me - what fits into the van, what fits into my suitcase. During the day I try not to speed, I calculate how much farther we can go before I have to find a gas station. Or a hamburger. At night I try to find a movie on the tv and fiddle with the a/c. And that's it.
So up 'til now, I've been relatively serene. I've found a lot of comfort in the vast landscapes and the changing sky. Part of my mind does the driving, another part takes in the scenery and then the final bit ponders the nature of the universe. On our way out that part was working on fear because we were headed towards the unknown. But my two hands on the wheel and the shell of my vehicle contained that subject, kept it a manageable size. I mean, if I didn't like what I found out there, I could always hop back in the car and go home.
But now that I'm almost home I've suddenly remembered the flip side of that equation; when you don't like what you're finding at home and you respond by hopping in the car, where can you go?
"Home" can only be a steadying force if you work at it. If you fight for it.
And so, even though the thought makes me tired, I'm going to start reading the newspaper again. I'm going to try to listen to the tv and radio shows that I've avoided ever since Bush's first (?) election (?) to the office of president.
Because I still want the United States to be my home.